Homily for September 15, 2002
Year A - Cycle II
24th Sunday in Ordinary Time 

I think we’d all pass the test if the test question was, "What was the theme of the readings today?" And from week to week the readings generally have a theme, and the Lectionary is built in such a way that the first reading and the gospel are intimately connected. And they are connected by the psalms. The second reading sometimes is part of the theme, and sometimes its not. Sometimes it has nothing to do with the theme. So if you’ve ever caught yourself saying, "Wait, what is this?" then it’s not supposed to be part of the theme. I don’t know why they write it that way, but that’s how it works.

So, forgiveness is clearly the theme. But not only of today’s gospel, its kind of the theme of Christianity, isn’t it? Can you imagine someone saying, "I’m a Christian and I live it fully, but I will not forgive anyone." It just doesn’t make any sense at all. It’s the basic forgiveness, or at least, the wanting to forgive, it is the basic characteristic of one who follows Jesus Christ. Now, Peter again today is in the spotlight. What is this, three Sunday’s in a row Peter’s been the catalyst for the sermon. He’s like the literary or spiritual catalyst giving blessings from here every Sunday. And I think Peter’s asking the question, because he was standing with Jesus and was saying, "How far do we have to go with this forgiveness stuff?" So he comes up with a number, "Seven?" In numerology, that’s a perfect number. And Jesus says, "No, much more than that. Much, much more than that." And he really doesn’t mean seventy-seven, or seventy times seven, four hundred ninety. He means infinitely. You must forgive infinitely. And Peter probably thought, "Now he’s gone too far. That’s impossible, to keep on forgiving someone. And on forgiving them, and on forgiving them." But Jesus doesn’t demand the impossible. Yeah, it may be hard, but Jesus would not be cruel and demand something of us that we are incapable of doing. He gives us the commandments, but he gives us the grace to live them as well.

Maybe part of the problem with this that Peter had, and that we have, is that we don’t understand what forgiveness is. We think we do, but I’m not sure we do. The dictionary has a pretty good definition. It says forgiveness is "to cease to feel resentment against an offender, to give up resentment." But the problem with that is feelings have a life of their own, don’t they? Occasionally do you wake up in a bad mood? (I see some husbands looking straight ahead. What did he say?) Did you get up that morning and say, "You know I haven’t been in a bad mood now in about three months, I think I’ll have a bad mood." Feelings. So maybe we can modify this definition for our purposes. Instead of saying that forgiveness is to cease to feel resentment, it’s "to try to cease to feel resentment." Because forgiveness ultimately is an act of will, because every sin or grace must be that. So, if we will to want to forgive, we’ve done most of the work in that desire, if it’s genuine. Forgiveness is similar to the word forgo, and so I think it means to forgo getting even. "How dare he do that to me? I’ll get him." It doesn’t mean that you will continue to accept abuse or insults or wrong conduct. It doesn’t mean anything like that. It’s not business as usual and make believe nothing has happened. There’s a story about a woman with fourteen kids, age one through fourteen. She sued her husband for divorce on the grounds of desertion. She was in court, and the judge said, "When did he desert you?" She said, "Thirteen years ago." The judge looked at all the kids and said, "Where did all these kids come from?" She said, "Well, he came back once a year to tell me he was sorry." He should have sued her for divorce for being a fool. Forgiveness should never be self-destructive. And it is occasionally, I know it is. I talk to families who have abusive situations, and the one being abused keeps putting himself or herself in that position. And they use this excuse, "Well, don’t I have to forgive him?" They don’t understand. It’s never destructive.

A villager goes to see the monk and he says, "Father, must I forgive my neighbor if he slaps me in the face?" The monk says, "Yes." And he says, "How many times must I forgive him?" And he says, "Well, how many times did he slap you?" And he says "Once." "Well, then forgive him once." He says, "What happens if he slaps me fifty times?" He says, "Then you must forgive him forty-nine times." "Why forty-nine if he slapped me fifty?" "You deserved the fiftieth for being such a fool to permit anyone to strike you forty-nine times." You’ve probably heard that before, right? We forgive, because when we follow God’s way, we are healthier, not only spiritually, but physically as well. Some years ago, in 1995 or 1996, Gallup commissioned a study on the most hostile cities in America. And there was a series of nine questions. Do you know which city in America was considered the most hostile? Philadelphia. Do you know what "Philadelphia" means? Brotherly love. Now this is an amazing part, and you can check this out, it’s an amazing coincidence. The five most hostile American cities were also the five cities with the leading number of heart attacks. They concluded, kind of, … (Now this wasn’t as scientific as you all do your scientific stuff, so don’t send me an e-mail telling my science is flawed. I get these sometimes from this parish, and I don’t even understand what you’re saying to me. I’m a simple man.) One of the directors of the study was the Medical Director of Duke University. He directed the Medical Center at Duke. And he concluded that anger kills. And another one of the directors said, "Grudge holders are grave diggers. And the only grave they are digging is their own." Its been said that if I had an enemy I wanted to punish, I would teach him to hate somebody. Isn’t it true though? Leo Delosia, the great Brooklyn Dodger Manager, said something, and it’s usually very difficult to quote that man in church, and so I had to change this a little, but he said, "I held a grudge against this guy for twenty years, and that so-and-so was out dancing every night." It doesn’t hurt the other person probably, but it kills you. It poisons your soul to hold on to this resentment, and want to hold on to it. As the first reading from Sirach says, "If you hold on to hatred and resentment, and won’t let it go, it poisons not only you, but anyone who loves you." We must forgive. We forgive, too, because Jesus told us to. You heard the story, and it ended today "My heavenly father will treat you in exactly the same way you forgive your brother from your heart."

And lastly, and maybe most importantly, we forgive because we have been forgiven. Look at the crucifix. Look at that. That’s an act of forgiveness. He did that for your sin, and my sin. And even before he took his last breath, he said, "Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing."

It’s not easy. But it’s not impossible. Years ago, I knew a family named the Watson’s, Margaret and Norm Watson. They had five children, four or five. And they lost one of their daughters in a terrible tragic automobile accident. It was the night before she was to begin her senior year in high school. She went out with an older fellow, twenty-three or twenty-four. She was seventeen. Her name was Brooke, and we called her Brookey. She was a beautiful girl, beautiful and kind, and she could sing. He drank a fifth of vodka, it was his third DUI, crashed the car and killed her. He survived. The Watson’s came to see me, and they said, "Father, we want to forgive him, but we can’t." I said, "Oh, I understand that. It takes time. I mean, I don’t understand your pain, but forgiveness takes time." And they said, "Well, we have to appear at his sentencing hearing next week, and we wanted some of your advice." He was convicted of vehicular manslaughter, or homicide maybe, one of the two. And, with his prior offenses, he was looking at at least five years in jail. And the family said, "We are considering asking the judge not to send him to jail. But we want to make sure he is off the streets, so, no driver’s license, drug and alcohol testing weekly, work release program," which is an aspect of imprisonment, "community service. And we want him to repay the funeral costs, not to the family but to the church in memory of Brookey." And that’s what they brought to the judge, and of course he agreed, and they came to see me again. I said, "I don’t know how you did that. And how do you feel about him now?" They said, "What do we feel? We hate him. He took our baby away. But what are going to do? We think we did the right thing." And after some conversation, they left. And as they walked out of my office, I realized that I preach it, but they did it. And I could not have admired anyone more. It’s not easy. They’re still hurting. But it’s possible, with God’s grace.

Let us pray. Lord, give us the grace to forgive all the little hurts and the big hurts. Give us a heart like your own, that we are never petty or vengeful. Make us slow to anger and rich in kindness. Together we pray, Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

As we forgive those who trespass against us.